Kiss Naruto – He’s… Not… Irish?
by Dylixia
Summary: Seducing Sasuke can't be so hard, right? Armed with a leprechaun outfit, a not-so-Irish heritage and a range of pick-up lines for ANY occasion, Naruto's determined to win Sasuke's heart. Sasuke/Naruto, oneshot.


**Kiss Naruto – He's… Not… Irish?**

This, my dear readers, is the result of extreme stupidity. It was inspired by bad pick-up lines and my Irish heritage. You've probably heard it 'Kiss me, I'm Irish!'. I don't even get it… Therefore, I will never even _attempt_ to use it. But we all know Naruto would- no matter what _his_ heritage is!

Ignore my pathetic author's note. The story's better than I make it look right now, I promise.  
**-loves-**

**-Insert generic 'do-not-own' disclaimer here.-  
Rated T for lovely boys kissing. Mmhm.  


* * *

**Sasuke let out a sigh as he swung his black schoolbag-satchel onto his shoulder. Ignoring the hopeful eyes of the many teenage girls who lined the corridor- thrusting their chests out and flicking their long hair over their shoulders, he kept his own eyes on the floor. One brave girl blew a kiss at him, but only received the darkest of glares for her futile efforts. Scowling at the white-tiled floor, Sasuke turned the corner. Just then, the bell rang and students shoved past him as they rushed to get outside for the end of school.

A scruffy brunette banged into his shoulder roughly as he passed, looking back only slightly at who he had knocked against.

"Watch where you're going, Uchiha." Kiba growled, storming off.

Sasuke ignored the boy- he wasn't worth his time. He reached his locker, hurriedly inputting the code. He opened it- well; actually he almost wrenched the door off when he imagined it as the head of one of the ignorant fools who were his classmates. Ripping his books out in a _very_ violent manner, he put them into his bag and slammed the locker door shut. It banged back into its frame with a resonating clang, which rang loud through the now empty hall.

When the metal was no longer obscuring his vision, his dark eyes zoned in on the figure to his left.

"Oh, God. What the hell are you doing?" Sasuke grit his teeth together, resisting the urge to smack his face against his palm, to try and vent his anger out without actually making someone end up in hospital.

Before him stood Naruto Uzumaki- clad in dark green breeches, a white button up shirt with a green waistcoat over the top, followed by a large forest green overcoat. On his large feet were knee-high white socks, tucked beneath the breeches, and black, newly-polished shoes with a gleaming gold buckle. He wore- on his over-inflated, empty head- a green top hat with a black belt looping the base, sporting the same gold buckle that adorned his shining shoes. Tucked into it was a huge shamrock.

"You look worse than Maito Gai. I didn't think it was possible for anyone to wear that much green!" Sasuke rolled his eyes.

Naruto's cocky, shit-eating grin faltered just slightly. He was definitely up to something, Sasuke concluded. Why the hell was he dressed as a _leprechaun?!_ There was a glint in Naruto's eyes that made Sasuke oh-so cautious. Whenever the idiotic blonde got a plan, someone innocent always paid the price for it. Well, Sasuke wasn't exactly _innocent_. He _did_ do his best, daily, to annoy the blonde.

He patiently waited for a retort, his eyes searching the room absently as his Converse-clad foot tapped away rhythmically. When he felt his personal-space bubble being invaded, his eyes snapped back to Naruto, who was leaning very close to him.

"Kiss me, I'm Irish!" Naruto declared- in the worst Irish accent imitation that had _ever_ been attempted.

_Oh, dear lord._

"You're not Irish, dumbass. You're Japanese." Sasuke replied, dryly.

The vulpine grin pretty much disappeared from Naruto's face. He let out a nervous chuckle, bringing a hand up to tilt the ridiculous hat a little.

"What are you talking about? I'm _obviously_ Irish. Look at my costu- outfit!"

Sasuke blinked, choosing not to comment on the pathetic attempt of defence.

"C'mon, Sasuke! Kiss me, quick! Better be fast- 'cos they're after me Lucky Charms!" Naruto's pink lips- seemingly shining with a freshly-applied coat of lip balm- seemed to be puckered as he leaned even closer, his breath mingling with Sasuke's own.

Before their lips could meet, Sasuke drew back, turning on his heel and walking away as fast as he could. His heart was pounding against his ribcage and a perfect red flush was making itself known on his cheeks. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he threw back over his shoulder,

"Try harder, loser!"  


* * *

Over the next few days, Sasuke was victim to more of Naruto's pathetic attempts at hitting on him.  
The blonde was persistent and seemed to be following Sasuke everywhere.  
Every corner he turned- Naruto was there. After every class- Naruto was there.  
Despite this being a little irritating, Sasuke _was_ flattered that the idiot would go through so much effort just to get with him. Still, he was an Uchiha and he would not give in!

He was standing in the lunch queue, in the school's overcrowded, smells-like-fish canteen. The line was moving ridiculously slowly, and all Sasuke wanted was a sandwich and an apple! Sighing, he shuffled forwards a few inches. Dark eyes scanned over the daily menu and he reconsidered his choice of food.  
Today's hot meal option was chicken chow-mein. His stomach growled enthusiastically at the thought. It became blatantly obvious to him that he was not going to win the battle against his persistent stomach.

From behind him came an upbeat humming sound. Sasuke's perfectly-plucked raven eyebrow twitched as he turned his head. Naruto was there. Of course he was- the little hairs on the back of Sasuke's neck were sticking up, like his very own Naruto radar.  
His eyes searched Naruto's face, expectantly. Naruto wasn't looking at him; he was leaning back on his arms, against the cool metal railing that lined the serving counter. He was still humming, but Sasuke could tell that Naruto knew he was there.

After waiting for a few moments for a reaction- some attention of any kind, Sasuke turned back around, crestfallen, and feeling slightly rejected, for some odd reason. Perhaps he had become accustomed to a constant flow of attention from the persistent blonde. He reached the counter, taking a steaming plate of chicken chow-mein. Grabbing a bottle of tomato juice from the chilled section, he paid for his meal. When he reached for a pair of disposable chopsticks, his breath caught in his throat because Naruto's tanned fingers brushed against his. Keeping his composure, he put his chopsticks on his plate- ignoring Naruto's gaze on him as he turned around.

He made his way over to an empty table and dumped his tray of food down on it. Reaching up to undo his coat, he realised that Naruto had paused in his route to his own table of friends, and was now staring at Sasuke with a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips.  
Silently, he nodded down at Sasuke's plate, before saying,

"I'll suck on _your_ noodle, Sasuke."

Sasuke choked on his own saliva, hand snapping up to smack against his chest as he struggled to clear his throat. His face flushed brightly- it was even redder than his delicious, unopened tomato juice. After he could swallow properly, he shot the blonde a deadly glare.

"Pervert! Why would you _say _something like that?" He practically screeched, fists clenched at his sides, itching to wipe that smirk from his rival's face with one _good_ punch.

"I'm getting in touch with my roots! I'm Japanese, after all! And I love _noodles_!" Naruto laughed heartily as he walked to join his group of friends at his own table.

Sasuke liked _noodles_ too… but he'd be damned if he let the idiot know that!  


* * *

Naruto hated maths.  
It had taken him two solid months of hard work for him to get into top set maths. There was only one thing fuelling this crazy education boost on- and it wasn't a hunger for more knowledge of the oh-so exciting world that was mathematics!

Sasuke Uchiha was in top set maths.

That was why Naruto Uzumaki stood at the front of set one maths class, books clutched close to his chest as he felt the eyes of many intelligent people roam over him. They were all analysing him, sizing him up. He wasn't exactly known for his smarts- no wonder they all looked like they were restraining surprise.

"Congratulations on making it into top set, Naruto." Their teacher, Mr Hatake, grinned- the lower half of his face hidden behind an "Advanced Trigonometry" book.

Naruto nodded his thanks, dampening down the blush that was threatening to make itself known. His cerulean eyes were trained on Sasuke, who was gazing right back at him.

"There's only one space left," Kakashi gestured to the empty seat next to Sasuke. Naruto almost snorted- of course that asshole would be the only loner in the class. "Bad luck, Naruto."

Walking as fast as he possibly could without tripping himself up, Naruto rushed to Sasuke's table. He pulled the chair out and casually sat down next to his love interest. He internally laughed at the term 'love interest', and pulled his pencil case out of his back.

Kakashi had his back to the class, so Naruto took the opportunity to whisper,

"Damn, Sasuke. Can I have a pencil, please?"

Sasuke looked uncomfortable under Naruto's intense gaze, but mumbling a quick 'Okay', he leaned over to reach into his bag. His head snapped up when he felt a brave hand cup his crotch and give a firm squeeze.

"Argh! What the fu-" He yelped, standing up so fast that he slammed his knees against the table, making a loud bang.

The whole of the class turned round to look at him, minus Kakashi, who continued scribbling algebraic formulae on the board.

"Language, Sasuke." He chastised.

Sasuke sat back down again, face scarlet and eyes angry. People were still staring at him, and this made him nervous. Next to him, Naruto looked as happy as a pig in shit. Feeling a migraine coming on, Sasuke let his forehead thud against his table.

Would this never end?

Naruto somehow kept moving into Sasuke's classes. This meant that all of Sasuke's lessons were filled with at least one pick-up line. It was hell. Not to mention, he felt his refusals getting weaker and weaker with each time.

**Geography:**  
"Do you have a map, Sasuke? 'Cos I got lost in your eyes."

"No, but I have a brain. Perhaps you should invest in one of _those_."

**History:  
"**Hey, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your BedRock!"

"Yes, maybe when I throw your broken dead body onto it!"

"…I didn't know you were into necrophilia, Sasuke…"

**Chemistry:  
**"Hey, are you an alpha carbon, because you look susceptible to backside attack!"

"…You don't even know what an alpha-carbon is."

"I don't understand big words. I don't need big words," Naruto let a wide smirk slip onto his lips as he leaned in closer to Sasuke. "'Cause I got big shoes!"

**Physics:**  
"Are those trousers made out of space shuttle tiles? 'Cos your ass is out of this world!"

"No, they're made out of denim. They're _jeans_."

"Well, either way; they'd look better on my floor!"

* * *

Sasuke sighed loudly, none-too-gently slamming his back into the wall as he dropped back against it. The cold wind whirled around the street corner at which he stood, whipping his raven bangs up and into his face. It was four-ten; school had finished fifty minutes ago and Sasuke was currently waiting for his older brother to come and pick him up. Itachi had said something this morning about some kind of work meeting, though, so Sasuke figured he'd be waiting a while.

When he moved his hand up to brush his hair out of the way of his vision, a blur of orange and blonde hair caught his eye. _Crap._ Turning to face Naruto fully, Sasuke carefully schooled his expression into one that fully masked his surprise. The blond was nervously gnawing at his bottom lip, immediately drawing Sasuke's eyes to the tender, pink flesh as it was worried by bright, white teeth. He almost wrinkled his nose when he realised that he had just described Naruto's lips in the way he would perhaps describe a piece of meat.  
Suspicion started to cloud Sasuke's confused mind, but he pushed it away with ease, refusing to let Naruto get the better of him. These foolish pick-up attempts had been going on for two weeks now, continuously, and Sasuke's patience was being worn down rather quickly.

"Sasuke? Do you… Do you have a minute?" Naruto asked, pushing his hand through his unruly blond locks and averting his cerulean eyes from Sasuke's.

"Do you literally want only a minute?" Sasuke replied, dryly.

"Wh- no! Well, I didn't mean it _quite_ like that. I'd better say no, because knowing you- you'd actually count the seconds." A chuckle followed this sentence, and Sasuke felt the tiniest little bit of relief, knowing that Naruto wasn't about to topple over and die of anxiety.

"Go on," He invited, casually pretending to examine his perfectly clean and well-cared for nails.

"Well… I know that… my pick-up lines aren't the best-" Sasuke snorted at this blatant understatement. Naruto gave him a pointed look before continuing. "And some of them were just creepy. But I just got so nervous every time I actually got the balls to come and talk to you, that everything just came out wrong." The nervous boy in front of Sasuke gulped audibly, obviously trying to swallow his fears. _I could think of something else he could swallow…_ Sasuke thought.

"Argh!" Sasuke cut Naruto off as soon as this perverted thought entered his mind. He'd blatantly been spending too much time with Naruto in class.

"Sasuke? Are you okay? I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make you mad! It's just that… I _really, really_ like you, and… stuff."

Sasuke almost choked. Eyes only fractionally widened, he regained composure. "And stuff?" He mocked, one eyebrow raised.

A scowl darkened Naruto's face considerably, but the expression didn't quite manage to conceal the blush spread out across the blonde's cheeks. "Yeah, 'and stuff, you bastard."

The bite to the words wasn't quite there, so Sasuke decided to play along, eyes already starting to sparkle at the possible outcomes of this situation. "Oh? And what sort of thing does 'and stuff' entail?" His voice was light as he pushed away from the wall, standing just a little bit closer to Naruto.  
Realisation dawned on Naruto, and it was obvious from the cocky smirk working its way onto his lips.

"Stuff like _this,_" Naruto declared, swooping forwards and capturing Sasuke's lips in a kiss.

Having anticipated this course of action some moments before, Sasuke wasted no time in responding; moving his lips against Naruto's in a slow and intense way, his fingers coming up to bury themselves in wild blond spikes. Tugging gently, he effectively angled their heads differently, deepening the kiss. Naruto's hands were suddenly on his hips, digging into the bone through the thin black denim of his jeans. He had to admit- he was quite surprise when his back slammed back into the hard brick wall, thanks to Naruto's sudden burst of confidence and/or hormones.

The kiss wasn't flawless- it was messy, rough and bordering on painful, but it was the first for either of them and it was _theirs_. It was all of the pent-up amusement, frustration and longing exploding in one meeting of lips and tongue, and consequently- it was _perfect.  
_Naruto pulled away for air, his tongue withdrawing from Sasuke's mouth with a not-so-pleasant sound. Bringing a thumb up to his kiss-swollen lips, he wiped away the saliva that made his lips shine in the light of the streetlamps above them. Breathing hard, Sasuke did the same, staring awkwardly at the floor for a few moments before raising his gaze to Naruto's once more.

"Yeah, I think I've liked you for a while now, too." He admitted, picking up his schoolbag- which had been dropped to the floor the moment Naruto's lips connected with his.

Naruto's face broke out into a smile, before a small frown wiped it away. "For how long?"

"Oh, I don't know… A few months?" Sasuke waved a hand dismissively, running a hand through his hair and trying to return his breathing to normal.

Naruto's frown darkened. "So you kept turning me down even though you _liked me back?!_" He demanded, a sour scowl on his face.

"Does it matter?" Sasuke rolled his eyes, failing to see why Naruto was so bothered.

"You _bastard_!" Naruto fumed, arms flailing wildly as he pinned Sasuke with a frustrated glare. "I was in _hell_ for _weeks_! Do you know how long it took to think up all of those chat-up lines?! I mean, seriously- why do you have to be such a sadistic prick, messing me abou-"

"Naruto." Sasuke's tone was final, a warning, almost. He smirked back in Naruto's face when the blonde started to look like he was about to explode. Still, he could tell the blond wasn't _really_ that angry with him. "I think I liked you better when you _weren't_ talking."

Naruto appeared to be stunned for a few seconds.

"OH, _GREAT_!" He exclaimed, sarcasm dripping from his words. "What a _healthy_ start _that_ is to our relationship! You can't even stand to have a _conversation_ with me! Huh! Brilliant, just AMAZING, you ass-"

"God-damnit, Naruto! I don't really appreciate all those offensive nicknames you're throwing at me. What happened to the classical pet name of 'Babe' or something sweet? Show me a little bit of damn respect…" Sasuke bit out, exasperation finally getting to him. "Dumbass." He added, letting his smirk grow.

"See! We're just arguing! Not even _talking_, like you said!" Naruto responded, crossing his arms angrily across his chest, a pout forming on his lips.

"Fine, I'll rephrase my earlier statement. I like it better when your lips are _occupied_. Preferably by my _own_."

"What's that supposed to me-"

Naruto was cut off by Sasuke's hand fisting in his collar and tugging him into the taller boy, their weight being braced against the wall once more. Before he could recover from his shock, Sasuke pulled back, eyes hazy and an air of content around him. Just from that one look, a fresh wave of lust washed over Naruto and he dove in for another mind-blowing kiss. When their lips mashed together this time, there was none of that clumsiness that was prominent in the first kiss, their bodies already becoming accustomed to each other and them themselves learning how to move their heads in the right way to draw out just the right sensations.

It was just getting deeper, more desperate, needy and intense- when a the unmistakable sound of a car horn being abused rather loudly pierced through their desire-clouded minds and caused them to break apart with a startled jump. Cupping his flushed cheek with his hand, Sasuke tried to clear his head. He peered over Naruto's shoulder as the blond rolled to the side of him, in a similar state of surprise.  
A familiar black Volvo came into his view.

"Fuck." He breathed out, blood running cold.

The tinted window of the passenger's side slid down at a mockingly slow place and Itachi's grinning face came into view from across at the driver's seat.

"Sasuke!" His older brother called, tone teasing and all-knowing. "It's time to go home!"

"Y-yeah!" Sasuke called back in response, voice shaking as he turned back to Naruto, whose own face was mirroring Sasuke's expression of shock and dread. "Do you need a ride home?" He smoothed out a crease in his tight-fitting, black button-down shirt, trying to fix his ruffled appearance into one more presentable.

"Sure." Naruto agreed, and his voice was a lot steadier than Sasuke's, but his expressive eyes betrayed his outer-calm, revealing his slight unease.

With a certain sense of awkwardness hanging in the air between them, they clambered into the backseats of the expensive car, Sasuke directly behind Itachi and Naruto on the other side, staring at his hands in his lap. Willing the blush away from his cheeks completely, Sasuke raised his eyes to the rear-view mirror, meeting Itachi's amused gaze.

"No doing the dirty back there, boys." Itachi instructed, switching on the car's engine and pulling away from the pavement. "Those black leather seats are a _bitch_ to clean."

The two teenage boys' flustered cries of outrage were drowned out by Itachi's maniacal laughing and crude comments for the whole of the drive home.  


* * *

It's done! It's finally done! I started this in freakin' _February_. It was originally supposed to be a Valentine's Day piece, but it got pushed aside by a whopping great big list of other stories that needed to be worked on. Sorry that the ending was so weak.. I really suck at endings lately. *Bangs head against table.*  
So, there it was… I hope it made you chuckle at least a little! I have to admit, I was laughing my ass off whilst looking for those pick-up lines on the tinterwebs.

That said, Naruto's "'Cause I got big shoes!" comment was inspired by 'No Booty Calls' – the hilarious song by **liamkylesullivan **of YouTube. Search **'No Booty Calls, Sasuke' by Missytalker** on YT and watch it. Nao. :D I love it…

Anyways, review, please- even if you _didn't_ like it, I wanna hear your opinion! Thanks!  
Connie  
*gives cookie*


End file.
